Friday, August 29, 2008

The seX-Files

So, David Duchovny is a sex addict....really? Being addicted to sex doesn't really seem like a problem to me, I see it more as a perk of being rich and "famous". What do you do for someone who is a sex addict, give them methabone? I remember a few years back when Eric Benet, former husband of Halle Berry and a member of the 5 minute club came forward to talk about his sex addiction. I'm sorry Eric but I would be addicted to sex too if I got to lay my head on Halle's berries every night. It seems like such a Hollywood thing to me. Frankly, I think I'm too tired after a long day of "real" work to be addicted to anything. The only kind of love in LaLa Land is that of self love, these actors and actresses give off the vibe that the only "parts" they are interested in is each other's. I don't think that heading off to Vancouver for a few months, shooting with the dead sexy Gillian Anderson did anything to help curb Mr. Douchecovny's voracious appetite. I'm not insinuating anything here, I'm just saying, look at how many celebrities bounce from one on-set romance to another. There seems to be no accountability when it comes to pleasures of the traveling pants. Wasn't David's highly acclaimed Showtime show Californication littered with beautiful women baring all sorts of flesh? That's like a coke addict having a summer house in's too damn easy. David, I can solve this issue for you real up Amy Winehouse, get your dinkle tickled, and a few weeks later it will fall off....problem solved!!!! I'm a big fan of Duchnovy's and The X-Files ranks among my most favorite shows of all time but little did I know that the truth Mulder was searching for all those years resided just a few inches below Scully's waist.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Model Citizen in Every Way

So are we supposed to be surprised that it turns out John Edwards had an affair and quite possibly may have fathered a "love" child? Oh the horror, oh the shame....come on, this is really just par for the course. You think politicians and celebrities alike would learn or actually unlearn everything possible that supposedly comes along with being held under the pubic microscope (Yes, I did write pubic). Since when did being a public servant mean "servicing" as many women/men as possible......Roman orgies anyone? This is nothing new, the hookers (oh I'm sorry, the escorts....silly me) in Washington D.C. make Ashley Dupree look like Hannah Montana going out for ice cream with the cast of High School Musical. The news media goes bananas, Edwards has to come out & fess up and the National Enquirer get the credit for breaking the story....kinda makes you rethink the whole "everything they report is bulls**t" stuff the celebrities come out with whenever they get caught with their hand in the nookie jar. Edwards came off as pompous and arrogant as you would expect from someone that obviously considers Bill Clinton the closest thing to Hugh Hefner barely walking on 2 legs (maybe that's why he uses the 3rd one so much). He stated that the affair was during a period that his wife was in remission from her now terminal cancer.....Gold Star Johnnie Boy, you just won Humanitarian of the Year!!!!! The news media argues if whether this will somehow effect the outcome of the upcoming election, hurt the democrats chances to retake the Oral Office.....please, the majority (although some would still argue this point) of American citizens just got done voting for a mentally deficient, prior & possibly current deviant to "lead" this country for the last 8 has that turned out for ya? This will blow over as fast as an E. coli breakout at Taco Bell. Edwards political career in Washington may be over but how long before he's back out on the road stumping for his party, turning it into some kind of documentary filmed by his mistress that wins the Palme d'Or at Cannes in 2009. Right now I can see politicians across the country erasing their Blackberries, destroying videotapes, paying hush money.....the kind of closets you need to hold all these skeletons don't come with a real working man's/woman's paycheck. Politicians and celebrities suffer from the Sally Field Syndrome....."You like me, you really like me". Being showered with adoration, praise & acclaim seems to be the perfect bitches brew to make someone lose all ability to make coherent, mature decisions. This is how I envision it going down a few short years ago......"I did not have sexual relations with that woman" excuse me Mr. President they just found your DNA on that blue dress....." Oh, O.K., I did have sexual relations with that woman but I did it with a cigar". Come on, can't anyone ever just fess up & say "Yes I did it, I loved doing it & I'm about to do it again!!!". I would love just once if a politician would schedule a press conference, bring his Real Doll out with him, some of his bondage equipment, light up a huge joint, sniff some coke off the Press Secretary's arm and shout like some RuPaul/Ellen Degenerate tranny experiment "Hello world, this is me, this is who I am, love it or leave it, bitches!!!!" There are so many underlying reasons as to why we as a society look up to and put our collective fortunes in the hands of those that have "power" and their faces plastered on the covers of all the rags that are so conveniently placed on every corner of every city but no one REALLY wants to address them. "Change" is word being thrown about quite often lately but as we all know, the more things change the more they stay utterly ridiculous. Maybe it's something I'll go into more in the future but for now, bring on Britney at the VMA's and look for John Edwards, sitting front row center between Tila Tequila and a blue dress that can stand on it's own.

Saturday, August 16, 2008


Hype is all over the place in our current culture. We hear about the second coming in all aspects of our society from products, personalities, music , movies, athletes, politicians, etc. The media at large will grasp on to any hot new "thing" feed it into our subconscious until we're waiting in line at Walmart for that $100 couch that wont stain & will convert into a hydrogen fuel car at the touch of a button. Sometimes though and very infrequently someone or something will come along & live up to all the hype. As someone who considered himself a better than average athlete at one time in my life, I have to say that I have been blown away by Michael Phelps at these Summer Olympic Games. I really wasn't that jazzed for the games, they kinda crept up on me, I knew about Phelps' quest for 8 Gold Medals but really wasn't paying much attention to what that really meant. I was also concentrating on my Yankees but that's a whole other story....After watching Phelps and reading about his regimen (I mean come on, the guy eats 12,000 calories a day) I was totally inspired by the amount of effort that all these world class athletes put into their training leading up to the Olympics. Phelps starting training for '08 the day after the '04 Olympics ended and boy does it show. Not only has he delivered in every final so far but he is setting world records (as if that's an easy thing to do) and crushing other world class swimmers that in any other Olympics in some parallel universe in which Phelps does not exist would be wearing some gold bling around their necks as well. It's a grueling schedule, 17 total races in 7 days, massive commitments to the media, warm ups, warm downs....the guy is a machine. I could understand that if last night maybe he was a bit tired, got edged out at the wall & would have to settle for a Silver in his ultimate quest but no, somehow remarkably he comes from behind with the slimmest of margins to once again stand atop the podium (which should now be called the House that Phelps Owns). There have been & will be other great moments at these Olympics but at least so far the person that everyone will be trying to emulate swims with the fishes.